Friday, February 24, 2012

Spartacus is stupid.

The Hubby loves the show Spartacus on Starz.  Sometimes he'll watch it while I'm doing other things on my computer, so I'll unwillingly be subjected to it as well.

I freakin' HATE THIS STUPID SHOW.

Do I hate it because it's so incredibly, disgustingly violent?

No.

Do I hate it because women are treated as objects and they show lots and lots of gratuitous nudity and sex?

No.

The reason I so hate Spartacus is thus:  historical inaccuracy.

Yes, I know it's a television show and it's a highly stylized dramatization. I understand that it's probably irrational that I hate it so much for such a stupid reason.  Humor me.


THINGS I HATE ABOUT SPARTACUS ON STARZ


1.  It's set in the Roman Empire, but everyone has English (or AMERICAN) accents.  This is fairly common in movies, and it bothers me every time.  British accents are the go-to accents for movies set in other countries, it seems.  Does anybody know the reason for this?  Is it too difficult to find actors who can speak other dialects?  Does nobody teach ancient Latin accents?  It's a mystery.  The thing that annoys me most about this phenomenon is that nobody seems to notice, or care. 

"Is it time for my chest wax and beard trim?"
2.  None of the men have body hair.  They're naked and/or topless a LOT, and there is nary a strand of hair to be seen below the neck.  Even on the Gladiator slaves.  Who are prisoners.

3.  ...but they all have stubble beards!  Those guys with the smooth, hairless chests?  They all have perfectly manicured 2-day old facial hair.  Not one beard contains a hair longer than a centimeter.  I've measured.*

4. The slave men have short buzz cuts or shaved heads.  While we're on the subject of hair...what's that all about?  They keep these dudes shackled up, but they cut their hair daily?  All the non-slave men have Caesar haircuts.  Shouldn't the slaves have long, unruly hair?  I mean, really?

"If this sex object thing doesn't work out, we can always sign with Elite."
5.  Every character looks like a model.  Okay, I don't actually know what ancient Roman women looked like.  Maybe they all did have perfect ringlets formed into intricate hair styles that never ever ever fell, even though hairspray was hundreds of years away from being invented.  And maybe they did have gorgeous makeup done in exactly the same style as we do ours today.  And all the men had perfectly chiseled bodies and strong jaws.  That's probably what it was like.

6.  TEETH.  Whiter-than-white, straight teeth.  Every.  Last.  One of them.  That wouldn't even be accurate if it were set in modern-day Missouri--forget about the Roman empire, before Crest Whitestrips were invented.



So, yeah.  I hate this show.  I cannot suspend my reality long enough to watch it, because all of those things I mentioned get in the way.  Also, I DO hate the gratuitous sex and extreme violence--but I hate the white teeth even more.

Call me crazy.  I'm used to it.


*Okay, I haven't actually measured.  It's more of a rough estimate.  You get what I'm saying though, right?
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