Thursday, November 10, 2011

We're not psychos, we're just women.

*This is a post I wrote for a blog that I used to maintain called "Stuff Men Should Know About Women".  Because that blog has fallen to the wayside (and because I like this post so much), I decided to publish it here instead.  That is why I've written it as if I'm speaking directly to a man.


It is a universally accepted fact that men are simple creatures and women are complicated ones.  If a man thinks about what's in front of him, a woman thinks about what's in front of her, how it got there, why it's there, and if it's going to stay in that place or if she should do something to move it.  We can't help it.  It's how we're wired.


Say, for instance, you've just started seeing this really great girl and the two of you had a date last night.  The next morning, while at work, she sends you this text:

Last night was spectacular!  I hope you had as much fun as I did.  Can't wait to see you again.  xoxo


Aw, that's nice.  You had a good time too.  However, being a man and not seeing any question that needs answering, you don't respond.  After about fifteen minutes, if she knows you have your phone, here's what's going through her head:


Why did I send that text??  He must not like me at all.  Did I do something wrong?  I should never have put the xoxo at the end.  We're not there yet.  Maybe he's just too busy to respond.  Maybe I should wait it out.  He did say that he wanted to see me again...didn't he?  Maybe I imagined that.  I'm such an idiot!


Hours later, you get hungry and send her this text:



Hey, wanna meet up for a burger?


While relieved to finally hear from you, she's still unsure of herself.  She's thinking:


He wants to see me again!  So he does like me after all!  But he only wants to get a burger.  Maybe he just wants to be friends.  Doesn't he know how much I like him?  I hope he doesn't think of me as "one of the guys".  I really want him to like me.


Playing it cool, she texts back:


Sure!  What time?

Yay!  She's hungry.  That's good, because you actually like her and want to spend time with her.  She smells nice and is pretty to look at and has interesting things to say.  You're both at work, and meeting at the restaurant would be easier than picking her up, so you text back:


6:00, Burger Joint.  I'll meet you there.



It's a date...so you think.  Meanwhile, in her brain:


Is this a date?  Why isn't he picking me up?  He doesn't sound excited.  He would use an exclamation point if he was excited.  Crap.  I hope he still likes me.  What am I going to wear?  Will a dress make me look like I'm trying too hard?  I really want to wear that dress that he said he liked.  Maybe I should just do jeans and a t-shirt and put my hair in a ponytail so that he doesn't think I'm trying too hard.  But is that a good idea?  Jeans, t-shirt, hair down.  Yes.  That will be perfect.  I'd better go home and get ready.


The two of you finally meet up for the date, have a great time, and you give her a kiss goodnight.  As you head towards your car, you think:

Gosh, this was nice.  She's so pretty.  And fun.  I can't wait to see her again.  I hope my DVR didn't mess up, because I really wanted to catch that game.


And she thinks:


Yes!  He DOES like me!  I knew it!  This was perfect.  I can't wait to see him again.  I wonder if it's too soon to text him and tell him how much fun I had...ugh, I ate too many fries.



So, yes.  Women are over-thinkers.  We can't help it.  It doesn't mean that we're psychotic or that we're obsessed or that we're ready to boil a rabbit over you.  We're just insecure creatures who need a little reassurance every once in a while to know that we're on the right track.  It's just as exhausting as it sounds, and we don't like it any more than you do, so be patient with us.  And use exclamation points in your texts.
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