Saturday, October 8, 2011

An intimate conversation with Tracy Flick

This post is a contribution to The Kid in the Front Row Blogathon calling for imaginary interviews with movie characters.  I don't actually know Tracy Flick.  (because she's not real) (just in case you couldn't figure that out) (also, she lives in Omaha and I live in Kansas City) (It just occurred to me that some of you may not know who Tracy Flick is--go rent Election, right now) (I'll wait) (OK, I won't really wait, but come back and read this after you've seen it).


 It's not often that I have the great pleasure to sit down and chat with an American icon, but today I did just that.  Tracy Flick, as you all probably know, recently made a splash in the world of politics.  After a bill that she wrote at the age of 27 (which proposed that the qualifying age for Senators be lowered to 27) was shot down in the House, Ms. Flick was elected at the age of 29 and was sworn in to the Senate on her 30th birthday.

I'm excited and honored to share with you all a transcript of the conversation I had with her earlier today.  Enjoy.

Me:  Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today, Senator Flick.

Tracy:  No problem, Teri.  I welcome the opportunity to speak with the author of such a prestigious and hilarious blog as your own.  Oh, and please call me Senator Tracy.

Me:  Oh, why thank you Senator Tracy.  I assure you that the pleasure is all mine.  Now, as everybody knows, you are one of the youngest Senators ever to be elected to office, and you are the youngest female Senator in the history of the United States.  How did you ever accomplish such an amazing feat?

Senator Tracy:  What you need to know about me is that I'm an over-achiever.  Ever since I was a very small child, my mother always told me that I was different--you know, special.  I always knew it was my destiny to be President of the United States.  The Senate is just another stepping stone along the way.

Me:  Oh!  So you plan on running for President one day?

Senator Tracy:  Of course.  I plan to be President by the time I'm 35 years old--or 33, if I can get my bill to pass this time.

Me: those calculations, our next President's term won't even be up yet.

Senator Tracy:  I don't see that as a problem.


Senator Tracy:  You see, you can't interfere with destiny.  That's why it's destiny.  And if you try to interfere, the same thing's just going to happen anyway.

Me:  Oh.  Okay.  You left a very successful career as a partner at a high-profile law firm to serve in the Senate.  How was your first experience of running for office?  Was the campaigning brutal?

Senator Tracy:  Actually, Teri, the Senate race was not my first election.  I campaigned for--and won--seats in the SGA (student government association) all through high school, right up until my senior year, when I served as Student Body President.

Me:  Is that so?

Senator Tracy:  Yes, and if you think that adult campaigns can get dirty, you should see what goes on in high school elections.

Me:  Even in comparison to the allegations from your most recent opponent that you were the reason for the demise of the marriage of one of your high school teachers?

Senator Tracy:  That's unsubstantiated gossip.

Me:  So you say, but I recently received an e-mail from a Jim McCallister claiming that he can prove that not only are those allegations true, but that you also were directly responsible for ending his own career as educator.

Senator Tracy:  I don't like where you're going with this.  Mr. McCallister was the SGA adviser in my high school before he demonstrated that he lacked the ethics AND morals required by someone in such an influential position as his.  He falsely accused me of destroying campaign posters before another student stepped forward and admitted her guilt, and then he rigged the election so that his pet student--the most popular boy in school, I might add--would be awarded the presidency over me, the rightful winner.  If you would like to discuss this matter further, I'd suggest that you direct all further questions to my lawyer, who happens to be one of my mentors and the best attorney in the State of Nebraska.

Me:  He lacked the ethics AND the morals?  Aren't those the same thing?  What's the difference between ethics and morals, anyway?

Senator Tracy:  We're done here.
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