Thursday, May 26, 2011

Oh...I have a blog?

It's so weird that I haven't blogged in such a long time, because I honestly haven't been thinking about it that much.  Usually I'm all, "Oh, I haven't blogged in five days!  I'd better get to it!" or "People are gonna start un-following me if I don't blog soon!", but this time I was more like, "meh.  Blog-shmog."  What does that say about me?

I have been very busy around here.  We had a house guest who stayed for a month and just recently moved out, we traveled east to St. Louis for a long weekend of visiting people we hadn't seen or talked to in a long time, and there was a bevy of tornadoes in my area (we're fine).  I finally finished my screenplay--really finished it--and I've begun the process of submitting it to people who may know what to do with it, because I sure-as-heck don't! 

The Kid has been super-duper-crazy funny, but it's a humor that's not really appropriate for the internet, where it will stay for all eternity--don't want to embarrass him too badly.  I promise to try and think of something thought-provoking or profound to post in the near future, but until then, here's a picture of me with a puppy sleeping on my chest:

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Stupid church lady.

So, my Mother's Day started wonderfully with The Hubby bringing me breakfast in bed and a beautiful orchid. I got up, got ready, went to church, and things were swell. 

It was VERY hot in church, because the air conditioner was out, and my hair gets giant in humidity.  It just does.  In an effort to get my hair down to a normal height, I was raking my fingers through it.  After the first hymn, the (older) woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and handed me her bulletin, with this note written in block letters around the announcements:



I felt as if I'd been sent to the principal's office.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  All of my effort was focused on NOT touching my hair...and not crying.  It was hard not to cry. 

By the time the offering rolled around, I got up the nerve to write a note back to her, but when I turned around, she was gone. 

I hate to say it, but this lady kind of messed with my Mother's Day.  I've thought and thought about it, and I'm about 99% certain that I could not have been throwing my hair in her face.  For one, the seats are not that close together, and for two, when I rake my fingers through my hair, I rake them forward, pulling any stray hairs that come out into my own hands. 

Also, WHO DOES THAT???  What kind of person passes a rude note to someone in church?  If I was bothering her that much, why didn't she just move?  Isn't that what a civilized person would have done? 

Anyway, that really upset me.  I know it's stupid.  I know I'm a weakling. 

Luckily, the day was salvaged with homemade grilled shrimp fajitas.  And I looked cute, because my dress had pockets, which is just about my favorite fashion trend ever, so that was also a win.  Oh, and The Kid gave me lots of Mother's Day hugs, which would cure about anything that ails ya. 

Also, I will never sit in front of grumpy old ladies in church, ever again.  Lesson learned.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

An Open Letter to My Neighborhood Criminals

Dear criminals who keep robbing my neighbors,

I know you all probably think you have good reasons for breaking into my neighbors homes and stealing their stuff.  Maybe you're poor.  Maybe you're "risk-takers".  Maybe your parents never taught you the difference between right and wrong.  Maybe you just really like video games and laptops and young girls' clothes (seriously, guys?). Whatever the reason, I would appreciate it if you'd stop stealing.

Here are some good things to do with your weekdays, in case you needed some ideas:

1.  Look for a job.

2.  Pick up litter off the streets. 

3.  Start a garden.

4.  Wash your car...or bike...or sneakers.

5.  Do a load of laundry.

6.  Watch Maury and find out who's the REAL baby daddy.

7.  Go grocery shopping.

8.  Go mushroom hunting.

9.  Plan and make a delicious meal to share with your criminal friends.

10.  Return all the things you stole to their rightful owners.

I could go on all day, you guys!  There is an infinite number of things you can do which would be nicer, more constructive, and more legal than robbing my neighbors.  I encourage you to make your own list and start crossing off the items on it right away.  Trust me, you'll feel better about yourselves.

Thank you, and I hope to never be introduced to you...unless it's through the nightly news.



p.s.  If you try to rob my house, my dog will eat you.  He loves to eat robbers.  I'm totally not kidding.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Saving birds and watching football

So, I didn't win the song contest.  Don't cry for me, though!  I did lots of other good things this weekend.  Let's round them up in a tidy list, shall we?

Awesome things I've done in the last few days

1.  Rescued a baby bird from certain death!

Yesterday, The Kid, the neighbor girl, and I were outside enjoying Italian Ices when my dog Vinnie started sniffing around in the hedge.  It was clear that he'd found something, and when I went over to investigate, I found this:
Don't let that dog eat me, please!
I quickly realized that the reason that this poor li'l guy was resting in the grass and not comfortably in his nest was because the previous day, this happened:

Try getting this back up on your own.
The Hubby thought it was a grand idea to leave a pop-up tent on our car port for shade.  I told him it was a bad idea, because as soon as we had a storm it would blow away.  He ignored me.  The first windy day we had, surprise surprise, it blew into the hedge.

As soon as I saw the tent in the hedge, I noticed a couple of cardinals investigating the incident with much interest.  Until we found the baby, I didn't realize that the tent had knocked him out of his nest.  That'll teach The Hubby to listen to me!

Not really sure of what to do, I called Operation Wildlife, a wonderful non-profit organization located in our area, that takes in abandoned wild animals until they can be released back into the wild.  The man on the other end told me that the best thing to do was to get the baby back in the nest, but if I couldn't, then they would take him in.

That nest was high, people, but I was determined.  How could you turn down a face like this:
I miss my mommy and daddy!
Long story short, we got him back in his nest and the family was reunited.  Hooray!

2.  Installed toothbrush holders in both bathrooms!

Ok, so I guess "awesome" is a subjective term, but I count this, because I've been trying to find toothbrush holders that hang on the wall FOREVER.  I finally found them on Amazon and they arrived on Friday.  The Kid can finally reach his toothbrush without having to leave it laying behind the faucet!  Oh joy!

With the popularity of pedestal sinks, you'd think these would be easier to find.

3.  Went to a KC Command arena football game.

This was fun!  Arena football is indoor football, so the field is much smaller.  Because of that, the game is much faster-paced and the scores go much higher.  Fun all-around!

I'm glad we didn't sit behind the goal--it's dangerous back there!

I have no idea why my arm looks so skinny here--my arms are not the size of a five-year old's, I swear.

Grrrrr!  Football!!

Outside the Sprint Center.  The Kid has a very fast arm.

4.  Finished the first draft of my screenplay!

I sent it off to a couple of friends for some constructive criticism, and it's clear that I have a lot of work left to do, but I'm so happy to have the first draft done!   

5.  Went out for margaritas and fish tacos
You know you're in a Mexican restaurant when it's this colorful.
It's not often that I get out without The Kid and The Hubby, so meeting up with my sister and a friend was a much-needed break.  I got a normal-sized margarita, while my sister opted for the fish bowl (a.k.a. super-enormous) version:
She definitely didn't finish this.

6.  Took a nap.

I don't get to do this very often, so YES, it belongs on my list, because it was awesome.

And that, as they say, is that.  Now that I've written it all down, my weekend doesn't sound that exciting, but I've sure enjoyed it.  I'm home alone, so I'm going to try for an encore of number six now.  Have a happy Sunday, everyone!

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