Tuesday, January 4, 2011


...CANDY CIGARETTES!!!  I love these things!!

Real cigarettes = disgusting; Candy cigarettes = sexy and delicious

I just received my case of candy cigarettes from Amazon, and I couldn't be more excited!  I look for these bad boys every time I'm at a candy shop, and I rarely can find them for sale anymore.  When I do see them, they are grossly over-priced, at upwards of $1/box, which is really expensive, if you are familiar with these and know how little candy is in each pack.  When I was pregnant, I craved candy cigarettes so much that I would drive 45 minutes to a mall with a candy store that I knew carried them and buy the whole stock to bring home. 

Though they are very tasty, I guess nostalgia plays a big factor in why I love them so much. 

When I was a kid, we lived a few blocks away from one of the only two gas stations in my town.  Nearly every day, I'd scrounge up $.50 or more and walk with my best friend Marlene to The Kwik Store, which was located just over the railroad tracks.  I would spend upwards of twenty minutes trying to settle on a purchase, and much of the time that purchase was candy cigarettes.  The chalky, sweet cylinders with pink tips were only $.15 per box, so on the days when I couldn't afford a roll of Sprees or a bottle of soda, these are what I would go for.  Let's just say that if they had been real cigarettes, I would have acquired lung cancer by the time I was twelve--that's how many I consumed.

These days, the imagery of two elementary school-aged kids walking by themselves halfway across town, through an overgrown path and across some railroad tracks to a store that sold liquor to buy candy that looks like cigarettes may put some people off.  In fact, even if you cast aside all the other stuff, candy cigarettes are abhorrent to many, mostly those who think that the candy promotes smoking to children.

Am I a crazy person that I never even thought of that when I was placing my order on Amazon?  I mean, I guess I knew that's what they were--it's right in the name, after all*--I've just never thought that they made a person want to smoke.  What about eating delicious sticks of candy makes you want to inhale hot, poisonous smoke into your lungs?  I'm stumped.

So, yes, I am that crazy lady who has a whole case of candy cigarettes.  I had to add a little bit more merchandise to my Amazon order to qualify for the free super-saver shipping, and these just did it.  Don't judge.

24 boxes of Heaven.  Should last me about a week.

So, when you see these tasty treats mentioned somewhere and think to yourself, what kind of mother would let her kids eat those?, just remember this photo:

The Kid loves them too!

Now, I just have to get him to stop saying, "Mom, can I have a cigarette?".  Either that or we'll just start hanging out at lower-class establishments so nobody blinks an eye.  I haven't decided yet.   


*To be fair to the manufacturer, nowhere on the box does it actually say "candy cigarettes".  The boxes look like cigarette boxes, and they still have the little pink tips, simulating a burning end, but they are identified as "King Size Candy".  They probably got sued or something.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...