Sunday, January 23, 2011

BDD?

I think I have may have BDD:  Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  However, instead of thinking I'm fat and ugly, I think I'm better-looking than I actually am.


Hear me out.


Growing up, I was never a confident person.  I was not the prettiest girl in school, or the most popular, and I had two sisters who ganged up on me and told me (often) that I was ugly.  After I graduated high school and met The Hubby, he helped me to realize that I am, in fact, good-looking after all.  As I've gotten older, I've grown more comfortable in my body and with my looks, and now I'd say that I have a pretty healthy self-image and am confident that I am an attractive woman. 

Or, at least I thought so--until recently.  Very often as of late, this has been a common occurrence:  I get dressed, put on my makeup and do my hair, and think, Hey!  I look pretty today!  I strut around the house, feeling all Megan Foxy, like this:


Oh, you like my hair?  This is what it looks like when I don't have time to mess with it!



Then, for one reason or another, I wind up in a photo or on a webcam, and the reality is more like this:


Oh, you like my pasty, shiny skin?  This is what I look like in the winter--DEAL WITH IT!!



I'm not comparing myself to Megan Fox because that would be ridiculous (and completely against my New Year's resolution).  I just think I may be losing my looks--or my ability to be photogenic.  I'm really hoping it's the latter, because the idea that I've deluded myself into thinking that I'm prettier than I actually am is more than a little embarrassing, and slightly depressing. 

But really, what is the harm in feeling attractive?  At least I'm not moping around the house, refusing to leave because I feel like a hideous troll.  As long as people don't constantly take photos of me and tag them on Facebook without my permission, I should be alright.  I mean, they couldn't be any worse than the one I just posted anyway, could they?  And as for all the photos from my own camera, well, that's what Photoshop is for.  Who needs psychotropic medication when you have modern technology?
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