Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Top 10 Most Annoying Celebrities of 2011

It's that time of year again, folks!  The time of year where I throw all my values out the window and talk trash about celebrities.

Last year's most-annoying celebrity list is actually my most-viewed post of all-time, so I rationalize my pettiness by telling myself that I'm giving the people what they want.  Let's ignore the fact that I'm selling out for page views, okay?

Great.  Now that's out of the way, without further adieu, I give you:


10.  Lady Gaga
No quote necessary.  This photo speaks for itself.
I struggled big-time about including Lady Gaga on this list.  She has some crazy-loyal fans who I fear very much.  YES, she's a great humanitarian and she's done a lot for the LGBT community, and I greatly admire that.  Also, she's incredibly talented.  Great singer.  Actually, the fact that she's such a good musician is the reason why she annoys me so much.  WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR A DRESS MADE OF MEAT?  WHAT'S UP WITH THE EGG ENTRANCE?  DON'T YOU OWN ANY COMFORTABLE SHOES?  It makes me sad to see paparazzi photos of her walking through an airport in see-through clothes and 11-inch heels.  Lady, nobody is going to stop liking you because you wear sweat pants in public.  I promise.  ...also, as my blog friend Abby pointed out, "Gaga is a straight ripoff of Madonna!!!"  That's true too.  *Please don't send me or Abby hate mail*

9.  Michael and Dina Lohan
Michael Lohan [to Lindsay, on a voice mail]: I absolutely promise you, I will not mention your name in the press, at all, ever again. (image source)
I hate that I even know who these people are.  If you do not, they are Lindsay Lohan's (divorced) parents.  They are equally awful, as they both exploit their unbelievably-screwed-up daughter for their own benefit.  If I had a daughter and she landed herself in prison, what would I do about that?  Write her letters?  Send her a care package?  Hell no!  I'd call a press conference and send letters to all the major tabloids talking about her!  They also have a younger daughter who looks like Karen Carpenter and recently got a modeling contract.  She just turned 18, so I give her a year or two before she winds up in prison or rehab.  Poor thing.  With parents like these, she never had a chance.

8.  Real Housewives of everywhere 
"I don't care if you're scrubbing a toilet, you can still bling it up." -- Alexis Bellino, Real Housewives of Orange County
I'll admit it:  I watch some of these.  *hangs head in shame*  The original (Orange County) and New York City have been set on my DVR for a few years now.  I don't know why I can't stop.  It's like crack.  Come to think of it, the fact that I'm addicted to watching them makes them even more worthy of this list.  Stop manipulating me, Bravo!  Mostly, these shows are made up of very vapid women with fake everything who drink during the day and get into arguments that sometimes turn physical.  It's like The Jerry Springer Show for the nouveau riche.  If you ever want to feel better about your life, just turn on one of these shows for fifteen minutes.

7.  Charlie Sheen
"I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."
Maybe he IS from Mars?  The drug tests supposedly came back negative, (though I'm convinced that he must have been wearing one of those prosthetic penises filled with clean urine when that particular test was conducted) so what other explanation could there be for this guy's crazy erratic behavior?  I'm glad that he's calmed down a bit since the whole Two and a Half Men/Goddesses thing, but it doesn't negate the fact that this dude was all over tv, magazines, and the internet for months.  Forget Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn--Charlie Sheen will now forever be remembered as that insane guy who lived with porn stars and filmed long, stupid rants about "winning" and "tiger blood".  Way to go, dude.

6.  Tim Tebow
(photo source)
I don't actually have anything against Tebow.  He could be a very nice guy.  To be honest, the only thing I know about him is that he's super-religious and he plays football.  The reason he annoys me enough to warrant a space on this list is because I CANNOT AVOID HIM.  I hate football.  Stop forcing me to know this guy's name, internet.

5.  Kate Gosselin
"Everything I do is for my kids. My kids are the reason I laid on bed rest [for months]. My kids are the reason that I wrote the books, and it's always about them, and I know that the books are about me, but...what you don't see is the family inside. It's a desperate desire for me to provide for my kids." (image source)
I'm thinking this is the last year Kate Gosselin will be relevant, and for that I am truly thankful.  She has exploited her eight children to the point that it's no longer about taking care of their needs, but maintaining a certain lifestyle that she's grown accustomed to.  How can you go on television and say that you're doing a reality show so that your kids will be provided for, and then the next week go and buy yourself a two-door Audi?  Hey Kate:  if you want a career in entertainment, go ahead.  Just stop using your kids.

4.  Donald Trump
"You know, it really doesn`t matter what [the media] write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass."
My hatred for "The Donald" is well-documented.  I wrote him an open letter earlier this year, detailing all the reasons why he's a tool who's unfit to run our country.  I like to think that he read it, and that's why he decided not to run for President.  You're welcome, everyone.

 3.  Ashton Kutcher
"The truth is that I'm an idiot. I am. I don't do things by the rules sometimes. I say things that I probably shouldn't say. I push buttons. I deserve to be made fun of."
Maybe you and your wife had an open marriage.  Maybe it was over long ago.  Who knows?  Your marriage = your business...oh, wait.  That's not true.  It's everyone's business because you sleep with girls who run to the tabloids and tell us every detail down to how low your balls hang.  I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THIS INFORMATION.  He's getting divorced now (shocker), but it would have been nice if he'd have either not cheated at all or banged more discreet women.  I can't even watch That 70's Show re-runs now without thinking of what a douche this guy is.  This makes me angry, because that show was pretty funny.

2.  Child Bride Courtney Stodden & Doug Hutchison
"I would go to college and study all of Doug. All of his body, and all the elements within that. What they do and what they still do. It would be a lot of fun."  (image source)
What in the hell???  He was 50, she was supposedly 16 when they got married earlier this year.  I refused to believe it.  This girl looks older than me.  Also...ew.  He's gross.  What kind of parents would be okay with that?  BAD parents.  That's who.  If you need a good laugh or an appetite suppressant, I urge you to Google these two and watch an interview.  My prediction is that they'll be divorced by Spring, she'll turn into a nun, and her family will sue him for taking advantage of their daughter.  That would make more sense than what they say is really going on here:  love.

1.  The Kardashians
"It seems that shows like Teen Mom are all of a sudden making teen pregnancy seem cool in the eyes of young girls. The kids from these shows are all over the news, even on the covers of magazines, and have been become almost like celebrities, but girls, these are not people you should idolize!" - Kim Kardashian.  Kettle, meet pot.  (image source)
No group of people has ever been so proud of being famous for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING as this family is.  They wear it like a badge.  People still watch their show and read magazines about their fake love lives.  These people were a no-brainer for number 1 on this year's list.  They're number one on everyone's list of annoying people.  Sorry to be so predictable, but I just can't think of anyone who deserves this honor more.  GO AWAY KARDASHIANS!  

So, that's this year's list.  That was cathartic.  I'll probably have trouble sleeping tonight because I feel so bad about talking crap about all these people, even though they all sorta deserve it.  

I'm sure that many of you will disagree with some of these choices, but it's my blog so it's my list and (if you haven't figured it out by now) I do what I want.  Many of the people on last year's list aren't relevant anymore, and that makes me very happy.  My hope is that I won't be able to think of 10 annoying celebrities next year, and I won't be able to come up with a "Most Annoying Celebrities of 2012" list.  Wouldn't that be great?

I dream big.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Top 10 Things I learned in 2011

Lists are fun.

Last year, I spent the last few days of the year making top 10 lists.  I quite enjoyed it.  Let's do it again!


1.  Comparing yourself to other people is pointless.  I have had a healthier self-image this year than at any other point in my life, and I credit my New Year's resolution for this.  I've had a few setbacks, but for the most part, it's stuck.  How many people can say that about their New Year's resolution?

2.  In related news, I figured out that I am not as pretty as I thought I was.  But I'm okay with that.  I think it's mostly photo-related anyway.

3.  Fisher-Price is not open to suggestions about adding female action figures to their Imaginext line of toys...but you can make one pretty easily out of sculpt-and-bake clay.

4.  Even though it seems like a pretty pointless appendage, breaking your pinkie toe sucks.  (Can you believe that it STILL hurts???)

5.  Blogging anonymously makes you paranoid.  Blogging as yourself makes you freeeeeee!

6.  Getting recognized by Blogger as a Blog of Note is freakin' awesome, but when they do it right after you do a video post about soup, they use that picture to link you.  Then everyone thinks you're a cooking blog.  :-/

7.  Blog-a-thons are fun, even if you have to break the rules to make the deadline.  Same goes for blog awards.  It's your blog, do what you want!

8.  You have to be really careful what you tweet, otherwise the bots will find you and destroy your self-esteem.

9.  If you buy something on Amazon and pay for 2-day shipping, you are guaranteed to get it in...four days.

10.  People find my blog in super-weird and offensive ways, but many of them are just looking to attract their very own nerd.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas Highlights.

Did everyone have a Merry Christmas?

"Merry" seems like such a British term to me.  I find it strange that we, in the U.S., say "merry Christmas", but I often hear "happy Christmas" from the Brits.  Shouldn't it be the other way around?  Weird.

My Christmas was lovely, thanks for asking.  Last night, before we went to bed, I told The Kid that he wasn't allowed to come into our room or get out of bed at all before it was light out, or Santa may not come.  We woke up this morning to a loud "Oh come ON!" coming from his room at 7 AM.  It was still dark out.  My kid is a rule-follower.

The Hubby and I got out of bed and told The Kid that it was, indeed, morning and that he had waited long enough.  He got up excitedly and saw that Santa had come--then he ran and gave The Hubby and I hugs before doing anything else.  Man, I have a great kid.

The highlights of my day were receiving a set of noise-cancelling headphones for music recording and this shirt from The Hubby:  

Did I mention that I'm a Wizard of Oz FREAK?
Also, I got to take TWO naps.  TWO.  It was like a Christmas miracle!

Now, I am drinking gin and typing to you lovely people.  What were your Christmas day highlights?  Did you get any cool gifts?  Did anyone fight?  Did you eat anything particularly interesting?  Do share!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

It's a good thing I recycle...

Because I just received this in the mail:

Yes, that's a gift card that came wrapped in a 6"x6" square box.  Filled with brown paper.

I appreciate the gift card very very much (thank you, wonderful Mother in-law!), but is this really the most economical and convenient way they could have sent it?  It's flat.  How about...oh...I don't know...AN ENVELOPE?

Seriously, The Limited.  If anyone in charge there is reading this, I hope you can see how poorly this kind of thing reflects on your company.  It's terribly wasteful.

Okay, done with that rant.  I'm going to watch It's A Wonderful Life now.

Merry Christmas!!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Ho-ho-ho my goodness!

Whoever sent me the 70th Anniversary edition of The Wizard of Oz on blu-ray off of my Amazon wishlist, THANK YOU SO MUCH!  There was no receipt, so I have no idea who sent it*, but I can't tell you how much the gift brightened up my day.  :)

We're watching it right now, but I can't wait until The Kid takes a nap so that I can listen to the historian's commentary!  Can you all tell what a Wizard of Oz freak I am?  I don't care!  I love it!  :) 

I don't know what it is about The Wizard of Oz, but it's been a favorite ever since I was a little kid.  In fact, when I was ten, I got the 50th Anniversary double VHS edition of the movie for Christmas.  Isn't that funny?  I wonder if I'll get the 100th anniversary edition for Christmas in another 30 years! (the answer is absolutely yes, yes I will)

Speaking of movies, our television has been running overtime lately, trying to get all the Christmas movies viewed before it's too late.  The best thing about holiday films is that even if they're really bad, they're still pretty good.  For instance, we watch Jingle All the Way a lot this time of year because it's one of The Kid's favorites.  Technically, it's kind of an awful movie, but it's fun and the setting helps you get into the Christmas spirit.

Here's my list of Christmas movies that I have to watch every year:

It's A Wonderful Life
A Christmas Story
Home Alone
Jingle All The Way
The Family Man
Miracle on 34th Street (the one with Natalie Wood)

The Grinch
Just Friends
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Love Actually
Christmas With The Kranks
Deck the Halls
The Holiday
The Santa Clause
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Frosty the Snowman
Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Don't judge.  If I'm having a hard time getting into the spirit of the season, I'll pop in one of these movies and it will start coming to me. 

What about you guys?  What do you like to watch this time of year? 

*If my benefactor would like to come forward and claim responsibility, I will gladly make him or her a scarf.  Scarves are my new currency.  :)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Well, that sucked!

I'm back in business!   Hooray!

Some of you may have noticed (perhaps due to my constant tweets and Facebook posts regarding the issue) that my entire Google identity was wiped off the face of the internet yesterday.

I have no idea what happened.  All I did was publish this blog, reminding you all to take part in the Give-A-Little Giveaway, and immediately after I shared the post to Google+, this appeared on my screen where my Blogger dashboard used to be:

Click  to experience my horror.

What, now?

I felt like a child who'd been sent to the principal's office.  What did I do?  Am I not allowed to give things away?  Does Google hate do-gooders and homemade scarves?  Whyyyyyyyy????

Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried, unsuccessfully, to log into my Google+, YouTube, and Gmail accounts.  All are owned and run by Google, and they all told me that I was unworthy of their services.

I clicked on the "contact us" link, filled it out, and hoped that someone would respond to my plea of "I'm a nice girl!  I didn't do anything wrong!  Help!" before it was time to draw a winner for my giveaway on Wednesday.

The Hubby is friends with a few Google team members on Google+, and he sent them all a message asking for help.  As I waited, I tweeted repeatedly to Google and Blogger.  I read horror stories of people who lost their entire life's work as a result of being locked out of Google Documents.  Some people got their accounts back after four or five days, some didn't get them back at all. 

I was freaking out.  Maybe I did violate the terms of service.  Maybe I did something bad and didn't realize it.  Maybe someone hijacked my accounts and was using them to take down the government!  Maybe, unbeknownst to me, I'm an internet criminal!  So many possibilities! 

When I woke up this morning, I checked my Facebook and I had the best message ever:  a note from my wonderful friend SJE saying that my blog was back in business.  I signed back into my email on my phone and, lo and behold, my inbox began to fill up.  It was a Christmas miracle!

When I checked my home email, I had a message from the Google Team stating:

"We apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced. The issue you described should now be resolved."

Thanks a lot, guys.  Not to be ungrateful, but what the heck?  No explanation?  Why did you suspend me in the first place?  I think a lot of people would agree with me that Google needs to put into place some sort of warning system instead of just revoking all access right away.  Perhaps the whole thing could have been resolved without such drastic measures being taken.

Did I overreact?  Maybe.  Would my account have been reinstated so quickly if I didn't know people who knew people?  Possibly.  All I know is that I am happier than a fat kid in a candy shop to have it all back. 

I'll be backing everything up today and looking around at other non-Google options for email and such so that this doesn't happen again.  I may even move off of Blogger, though that's a big decision to make since I really enjoy the Blogger community and they've been good to me in the past. 

If I've learned anything worth sharing out of this whole debacle, it's this:  BACK UP YOUR BLOG.  

Don't know how?  Go to your Blogger dashboard, click on Settings > Other > Export Blog

That advice is my Christmas gift to you all. 

Thank you for not un-following me when it appeared that my blog had poofed out of existence.  You all are the best followers in blog land, and I love each and every one of you.  :)

Saturday, December 17, 2011

FOUR more days!

I'd make another video, but I'm wearing the same thing today that I was wearing when I shot this one, so what's the point?  Same message anyway:   

You have until Midnight CST on Wednesday December 21st to tell me about your good deeds.  I've gotten a ton of great entries from all over the world, but I would love to have even more.  Some people are really going above and beyond *cough* Tabitha--Abby--Dana *cough*, but all it takes is one entry to win!

Don't be shy, guys!  Tell me how selfless you've been this holiday season! 

I'm warming up my crocheting fingers as we speak.  

For more information, and the official rules, click right here:

Good luck, and don't forget to come back on the 21st to see if you've won!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Space Heater of DEATH!!

You know how sometimes you're sitting at the computer, perusing Twitter, then you smell smoke and realize it's coming from your four-year old son's room?  No?  Well, I do.

The fire department just left.

When The Hubby and I smelled the smoke, we ran into The Kid's room to see if he was on fire.  Fortunately, he was not.  Unfortunately, we could not figure out where the smoke was coming from.  We moved him to our room, unplugged everything, and opened the windows.  The smell did not go away.

Not seeing any flames, and not wanting to waste the fire department's time if we didn't need to, I tweeted my new friend Eric, who just happens to be a firefighter, and asked for his advice (read from the bottom up):

Click to enlarge

He was very helpful:

click to enlarge
click to...oh, you know what to do by now.

It's nice to have people validate your neurosis sometimes.  We called 911.  I felt really dumb calling 911 when we didn't see any flames and there was only a little smoke, but what the hell??  Where was it coming from???

The nice men of the KCKFD arrived swiftly in their very dirty boots.  They were nice and they liked my puppy, who was very well-behaved around all the strangers.  They used some sort of thermal imaging thing to make sure that my walls or ceiling weren't on fire, and then they pinpointed the problem in a very scientific way:  one of them stuck his nose up to the vent on our space heater.  Yup, that's where the smell was coming from. 


Why didn't we figure that out? 

I guess that the best answer I can give you is:  fear.  When smoke is coming from your child's room, it's very hard to think clearly without visions of your kid being burned up clouding your thoughts.

So, we will not be using that space heater anymore.  Do you have this heater?:

If so, maybe stop using it.  Just a suggestion.

My house still stinks.  Just in case, The Kid is sleeping in our bed tonight.  I'm not taking any chances. 

No ghosts here.

...but there may be some over at A Little About Everything and Nothing

Seriously...I wrote about them over there.  As a guest blogger.  Go read it.  Now.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Carpe Diem!

Life is short
Life is short
Life is short
I like you.
Life is short
Life is short
I really do.
Life is short
Life is short
Life is short  

By Kid in the Front Row

That about sums it up, doesn't it?  Life is short, so seize the day!

This is my life philosophy, and it has been for the last fifteen years or so.  Failure isn't the worst thing that can happen to you, but if you don't go for what you really want, you'll never know if you've missed out on something great or life-changing. 

I was on a Carpe Diem kick whenever I met The Hubby (click here for the full story).  We met, we stayed up talking for hours, and then we were both gone.  He went to California, I stayed in Missouri, or Misery, as it had become.  I was high on adrenaline and young love.

Three days later, I decided to throw caution to the wind (carpe diem!!) and write him a love letter.  What did I have to lose?  No rejection could be worse than the torture of not knowing.  Anyway, if he didn't feel the same way, it's not like I would run into him.  If he did feel the same way, then it could be the beginning of something beautiful.  It was.

Basically, every life decision can be easily made if you follow that simple philosophy:  seize the day. 
Too scared?  Fear is your body's way of telling you that you're making the right decision.  Look at it this way:  if there were zero possibility of failure, would you do it anyway?  If the answer is yes, then do it. 

Follow that dream.
Tell someone how you feel.
Quit that miserable job.
Buy that ticket to Europe.
Make something extraordinary happen.

I'm not saying that everything will always go your way.  You may fail--sometimes embarrassingly so--but at least you'll have tried.  Sometimes rejection will turn out to be the best thing that could happen to you; there is no stronger motivator than proving someone wrong.

What have you got to lose, really?  Go out and seize the day.

Carpe Diem!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Can't we just be friends?

Can men and women be friends, just friends?

It's the age-old question.  Movies have been based upon it.  People argue about it.  After religion and politics, it's one of those topics you never want to bring up at a dinner party.

This is not a dinner party, it's a blog.  Let's talk about it.

Earlier this evening, The Hubby found this video and posted it on Facebook:

If you don't have the patience to watch it, I'll sum it up:  the women say yes, men and women can be friends, and the men say no.  When pressed, the women admit that all of their male friends would, given the opportunity, still sleep with them.  The filmmakers take this to mean that these women just proved themselves wrong, and that men and women can't be friends.

Boom!  Question answered.

Not so fast, I say.

This is something that The Hubby has very strong views on.  Basically, he agrees with Harry Burns:

My view is a little different. 

I think that men and women can be friends.  Sure, maybe the guy wants to sleep with the girl (also--NEWSFLASH!--the girl may want to sleep with the guy), but just because there's sexual tension there doesn't mean that they can't have a platonic relationship.  Even if that friendship does evolve into something more somewhere down the line, does that mean that it was never a real friendship just because there was a physical attraction on one or both sides?

I think it all depends on how you look at it.  The reason The Hubby says no is because he thinks that the attraction nulls the friendship.  I think that the attraction is unimportant if nobody is acting on it. 

Look at the movie Just Friends.  Jamie and Chris were best friends all through high school.  Even though he had a massive crush on her, they still spent all their time together, had inside jokes, and shared (most of) their secrets.  That's friendship.  Sex doesn't have to get in the way...does it?

Maybe that's a bad example since they get together in the end of that movie.  Or maybe I'm just wrong.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I interact with lots of guys online and a few in real life, and I would consider them friends.  Do they only talk to me because they think I'm attractive?  Maybe--but what do I care?  I still get the benefit of their friendships.  We have interesting conversations and value one another's opinions.  Is that all an illusion?  Are men lying to women, pretending to be their friends, just so that they'll reserve the opportunity--no matter how minute--to bang them one day?  If so, that's kind of sad.

This question will probably never be answered, but I'd like to hear what you all think.  I'm curious to see if we're split down the middle like in the first video. 

Be honest:  do you think men and women can be friends?

Thursday, December 8, 2011

And now, I will blog.

How is it only 17 days until Christmas??  Crap.  I have so much to do.  I should really not be sitting here blogging, but, you know.  It's more fun than the other stuff.  Also, I had a sugar-free RedBull this morning, and it made me want to type. 

Do you guys have your Christmas shopping done? 

I have done...none.  Well, practically none.  I've bought exactly TWO things so far.  If you'll remember, I have a very large family, so this is not good at all.  Luckily, I give a lot of people the same present:  a photo book featuring a year in the life of The Kid.  Grandparents and those types seem to like it, and it takes the guess-work out of having to buy a present for someone who's been on this planet for 90 years, so that's good. 

I don't spend any more on the books than I'd spend on each person anyway, so really it's a deal.  I highly recommend it.  I use blurb.  Great quality books and there are always coupon codes available.  There are lots of sites for that sort of thing, though, if you are so inclined to make a book.

If you are a friend or family member reading this blog and you have no idea what to get me for Christmas, go here

The weird thing about having a blog is that you never know who's reading it.  Do you guys find that?  I mean, I know people are reading it (because I can't stop looking at my stats), but I wonder how many friends and family are reading.  Sometimes I'll talk to a friend after a long absence and they'll know everything going on in my life just because they read my blog.  It's kind of an odd feeling, because I don't know what's going on in their lives.  This must be how celebrities feel...only, you know, on a much (much much) smaller scale. 

Mostly, I wonder if my family reads what I write.  I think a lot of them are completely oblivious to, or maybe just disinterested in, the fact that I blog or write at all.  That's fine, but it would be nice to know of the ones who do read.  If you are a family member or friend reading this, could you please comment and let me know how often you check in?  That would be lovely.  Thanks.

Speaking of stats, how does this happen, exactly?:

People are freaks.  And those freaks are finding my blog in strange and exciting ways.

All of the songs on my Spotify playlists are old.  I think I'm turning into one of those parents who never listens to current radio.  I'm the equivalent of my parents torturing me with John Denver as a kid, but with Wham! and Aerosmith.  Oh well.  Luckily, The Kid seems to like it.

On that note, how great is this song/video? 

And people were surprised when George Michael came out.  Hm. 

Monday, December 5, 2011

Listen Up, Home Movie Industry!

What is up with Blu-ray and DVD distributors putting cardboard sleeves over the boxes?  They are utterly and completely pointless.  Observe:

Sleeve on the right, plastic case on the left.
Also, what are these crappy special features??  Where is the commentary, WB?

The cardboard case is nearly identical to the plastic case.  The only added information on the sleeve is where it says "Blu-Ray + DVD + Digital Copy", and the stuff about "Instant Streaming"...but those things are also printed on the stickers stuck to the front.  So, why couldn't they have just put the sticker directly on the plastic case? 

This sort of waste drives me nuts.  As soon as I get home, I throw these types of sleeves in the recycle bin because they put a few extra seconds between me and my movie experience.  They are absolutely useless. 

I wonder how much money distributors could save if they stopped packaging discs this way.  They should really look into it, because not only would it raise their profit margin and be way less annoying to the consumer, but they could add another sticker that says, "Now greener, with 30% less packaging!", so they'd look like heroes.  It's a win-win situation.

Does this happen everywhere, or is it a wastefulness exclusive to the US?  I hate it.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Skinny Hypocrite

The internet is making me a hypocrite.

Okay, maybe it's not making me one, but it's making me more aware of my hypocrisy.

The problem with typing things online rather than saying them in person is that there's this record of everything.  "Written in stone" is nothing compared to "written on the internet", where my words will remain until the end of times, completely google-able. Not cool, I say.

For instance, anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm a big exercise-hater.  I don't enjoy dieting, and I don't think that I need to be any smaller than a size 6, which is where I pretty much always sit, naturally.  

Well, a while back, I wrote a post about how a guy at Costco was flirting with me, presumably because of the Star Wars t-shirt I was wearing.  I posted this photo to illustrate my outfit:

Please ignore my disgusted look...and my frizzy hair.

While I know that I'm not overweight in this photo, my pants were looking (and feeling) pretty tight that day, so I decided that I needed to do something about it.

...Okay, I didn't actually do anything about it.  I hate diet and exercise, remember?

Then, about a month ago I came down with a weird stress-related condition that made it physically unable for me to swallow food.  I wasn't hungry, either.  While not an ideal way to lose weight (seriously, guys, don't just stop eating--I was miserable), by the time the whole thing was said and done, I was down almost ten pounds, much to my delight.

So far I've managed to keep that weight off, and now I look like this:

Not the same jeans, but you get the idea.

I'm really happy with my smaller hips, but now I feel guilty.  How can I go around telling women to accept their bodies and stop trying to be skinny when now I'm kind of skinny myself?   I don't plan on gorging myself any time soon to gain the weight back, and it's not like I'd want it anyway--I think I look good.  Besides, wouldn't gaining weight in order to match an ideal be the same as losing it?  Wouldn't that be just as hypocritical?

Also, why does it feel so good to buy smaller clothes???  I shouldn't care what size I'm buying, but I do.  As a woman, I think I must be genetically programmed to want to wear the smallest-sized clothing that I can fit comfortably into.  If I'm trying on a pair of jeans that are a size four, and they fit, I'm probably going to buy them just because they're a size four.  It's stupid, and I'm ashamed to admit that I feel this way, but I know I'm not the only one;  more and more stores are vanity-sizing so that their clients will feel better about themselves (and spend more money).

So, yeah, I feel bad that I'm so happy as a thinner person.  More than anything, I'm just annoyed that I can't really talk about losing weight without feeling like the person I'm talking to is secretly calling me a hypocrite.  It sucks. 

The solution, I suppose, would be to never share any opinions on anything--ever--on the internet, but that would pretty much mean the death of this blog.  No way, Jose.  Another option would be to lie by omission and never admit that I like being skinny, but I really needed something to post about tonight.

Maybe I'll just say screw it and stop worrying about what other people think of me.  Yeah, I think I'll do that.  I'm healthy, I'm happy, and I look good.  Call me whatever you like.
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