I am sitting on the couch with my laptop, listening to the kid cry in his bed. He fell asleep for his nap on my lap, and as soon as I put him in his bed, he started crying. I guess I shouldn't have held him for so long while he was sleeping, but sometimes it just feels really nice to cuddle.
He's quieting down a bit, so I know he'll go back to sleep and I'll be able to work out eventually. In the mean time, I thought maybe it would be nice to write a bit, since typing is quiet and less likely to keep him awake.
As I've mentioned, over the last several days I've been trying to do more writing and have been thinking more seriously of beginning a career as a writer, in one way or another. Songwriting was always my creative outlet, and it was actually the career path I was on prior to getting pregnant, but that is not possible right now, due to several factors I won't go into right this moment. I miss song writing more than I could describe, and it saddens me to let it go, but the idea of doing more creative/informative writing is holding me over for now.
Last night, I perused Jodi Picoult's website, reading her Q&A's and FAQ's, trying to get an idea of what her life must be like as a professional author. I imagined myself living her life, doing nothing but writing as a career, and I became jealous and excited at the same time. The jealousy was really more of a sadness that I didn't start on that career path earlier, for I'm sure if I'd figured this all out sooner I would have already been through college and well on my way by now. I guess that's one advantage and disadvantage to getting older: You finally figure out what you want to do with your life, but you feel like you've wasted time up until this point by not figuring it out sooner.
The funny thing is that I'm not even too old to start on this path, but I always feel like I'm late for the party. When we lived in Los Angeles, I was 20-22 and I somehow got it in my head that I was too old to model, too old to play a high school-er, too old for this and too old for that. I'm not sure where I got these ideas from, but looking back, I am regretful that I let my head-noise get in the way of opportunities. Now, at 30, I'm doing it again, thinking I'm too old to go back to college, when in reality, the world is still my oyster. Why do I let myself get in my own way so often?
The house is now silent, so the kid has fallen asleep. I have to get my butt in gear before it's too late to exercise in peace. Maybe a good workout is just what I need to clear my head.
4 months ago